Split Personality

Romans 7:15-20:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it.”

-Paul

I Feel like this a lot of the time

It seems like I have split personality disorder

In all reality I think I do but it's not mental it's more like in my flesh

There is a part of me that wants to scream and punch walls and jump off buildings just to hit the ground, while there is another part of me that wants to sit still and just relax and wash away into the heavens

I once had a youth pastor explain this Enigma to me in a simple story

"Inside every person are two dogs, they fight over everything, the dog that is the strongest wins. Now if you are always feeding the Spiritual dog he gets bigger and wins the fight, but when you feed the flesh/sin nature dog he gets bigger and wins the fight."

Sometimes I wonder which of the dogs is the right one.

My heart tells me that the Spiritual dog should win no doubt, but that other side of my personality tells me it's the dog of flesh because he is the animal of passion and drive and that rage that gets me through sometimes.

Another question also rises when I dwell on this. Which side is it that makes me want to scream and punch walls and jump off of buildings and on the other hand just want to sit and relax and float away into the heavens? I mean it could be either one. The Spiritual/God side does give energy, but also peace, while the flesh side gives the rage behind the emotions but it can also give lackadaisical attitudes.

I once had a philosophy professor tell me that for a Christian who relays of faith that I have very good reason. Well as far as this topic goes, I can't make any reason out of it, but I really wish I could.

Enough rambling for now.

Blessings to all.